Friday Fun: Asgardian trash-talk

Posted on May 20, 2011


"They fight...and fight...and fight and fight and fight...fight fight fight, fight fight fight..."

My pal Lenny recently challenged me to another of our long-running clix duels, in which he picks a favorite theme to pit against one of mine. The last one we did was his Hulks versus my Iron Men. We’ve also done his Guardians of the Galaxy against my Inhumans, his JLA and my Avengers, and — three times — Asgardians against enemies of Asgard.

I’ve won every single contest so far, despite his cheesing it up a bit with feats while I tend to go pretty minimalist with the cardboard. Somehow his must-hit dice rolls always crap out while mine are toasty.

He’s not giving up, though. Just the other day, he sent me this note:

“Hear ye Loki and Surtur,

Though ye were indeed victorious against us and the brave Warriors of Asgard on the battlefield in times past, we are no cowards to turn tail and run when the enemy be formidable or beaten dogs to meekly admit the war is lost when one battle goes against us. This day I do once more throw down the gauntlet and challenge thee to battle again on the Rainbow Bridge of Asgard, Thee and all Thine allies against The All-Father Odin, Thor Odinson & all the Warriors of Asgard. If thou dost accept my challenge, thou hadst better be prepared to fight for thy very life. This time the magic of the dice will not avail thee, nor will all thy wiles and trickery. Even the combined might of all the foes of Asgard and the Evil Power of Surtur the Fire Giant will not prevail. This time, mark my words, THERE WILL BE A RECKONING! FOR ODIN! FOR HONOR! FOR GLORY! FOR ASGAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRD!

Thor Odinson

Not to be outdone, I wrote him an in-character reply:

“Dear Brother:

It is with regret that I most likely say thee nay to thine challenge, as our ranks art depleted somewhat.

Hela hath departed for realms unknown (in return for some small lucre); loath though I am to admit it, she was central to our successes in the past.

Additionally, Kurse hath retired from the organization. Fenris Wolf hath been put down to sleep. Pluto, gone to Hades. Seth, to wherever he cometh from.

Simply put: I hath no staff. Good help is so hard to find. Perhaps if I had some aid from a Frost Giant or two…but no, the Norns hath not been so kind as to supply me with my kin.

But, brother. It wounds me to detect a note of bitterness in your missive…that you suggest that we won by trickery or enchanted dice. As if moi would ever stoop to such base and craven means! Such jealousy doth not become thee, brother.

However, I do entirely accept your statement that my wiles led to our victory; in that, you speak true. Loki shall ever be your better in matters of the mind, Thor. 

Loki Laufeyson

P.S. Perhaps we can yet come to an arrangement despite my thin ranks. I do so love humbling the proud Odinson.”

This is what Heroclix is all about…the fun. What sort of friendly trash-talking do you do? Post your comments…but keep it clean!

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